The Live Fast and Die Young Trail Mix

I began this blog in an experiment with Google Ads. I researched the top blogs and found that celebrities are the big draw. I thought it would be funny to try a blog that had some useful content intermingled with celebs, and have had fun with a few of the posts.

However, I have combed the gossip rags for some kind of recipe "inspiration" and it hit me. I hate celebrity gossip. If I got $5000 a day from Google Ads, it wouldn't be enough for me to read any more about Britney's twat or Lindsey Lohan's alcohol problem or Kate Moss's figure that, horrors, is rather normal when not airbrushed.

I don't give a flying fuck about Marilyn Manson's mid-life crisis, or Cameron Diaz's bitterness over what's-his-name. I really don't. Paris Hilton gets paid to be a companion to an older couple? Honestly, why does anyone care about this shit?

Out of pure exhaustion, and the realization that I haven't the stomach to read this shit anymore, this blog is dead. Someone who actually cares about whether Angelina has post-partum or not can have it.

As I've submitted this blog to I Talk 2 Much for a review, I'll beat them to the punch of giving myself a flip-off. I thought it would be fun to do, but then the relieving truth came out. I'm too smart (and not that worried about Google money) for this. I'm flipping this blog good-bye.
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Whitney Houston's Magical Leftover Dressing

With the reportedly successful outcome of her clothing auction to help relieve Whitney Houston of massive debt, there is another step that she has taken to get back on her feet. Whitney has discovered the joys of whipping up leftovers into wonderful meals, rather than throwing them to the dogs.

This particular recipe is a favorite of hers, and will be anyone else who loves dressing, even after the holidays are over.


Ingredients

Leftover Dressing
1 cup chopped chicken breast (if the chicken is leftover, even better!)
1 cup diced pears

(Adjust amount of chicken and pears as needed, depending on how much leftover dressing you're using.)


Bake diced pears at 325 degrees for about 10 minutes. Combine leftover dressing, chicken, and pears with about 3 tbsp water in a pot. Mix well and heat until warm.

Serve with any leftover vegetables you might have in the fridge.

Labels: leftovers, Whitney Houston

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Kiefer Sutherland's Jack Bauer's Peking Duck

Guess what Jack Bauer is bringing back from China? A recipe that is so torturous to make that it will make you wonder if you can do it anymore. You might consider stopping for a quick pistol-whipping to take your mind off of it, but if you are a true bad-ass in the kitchen, you'll make it through and have a delicious payoff, in the end.

If you've ever wondered why, in restaurants, you have to order this dish 24 hours in advance, wonder no more.


Ingredients

1 duck (5-6 lbs)
2 tsp sesame oil
2 tbsp honey
2 tbsp dry sherry
1 tbsp white vinegar
3 tbsp cornstarch
1/2 cup hoisin sauce
5 green onions
5 slices ginger




Clean duck, rinse and dry well. Tie a string around the neck and hang it for two hours.

Bring 6 cups of water to boil in a wok. Dissolve honey, and add vinegar, sherry, ginger, and green onions. Slowly add cornstarch and bring liquid to a boil once again. Spoon the liquid over the duck until thoroughly moistened (about 10 minutes.)

Hang duck by string in a cool, breezy area for 4 hours or until dry.

Preheat oven to 350. Grease roasting rack and place duck on it, breast side up. Place a roasting pan underneath and fill with 3 inches of water.

Cook duck for 30 minutes, turn and cook for 45 minutes more. Turn again and cook for another 30 minutes.

Labels: Duck, Kiefer Sutherland

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Rosie's Shit-on-a-Shingle

Rosie O'Donnell seems to be one of those celebs who cares so little about money and reputation that she's willing to risk the ability to enjoy fine dining on a regular basis, completely out of principle. A warrior of truth, Rosie isn't afraid to dike-punch anyone who might have even fibbed a bit, even if it's her own boss. Without people like Rosie, who knows how many liars would be roaming the streets unchecked?

Speaking of streets, here is a street-wise recipe (and a classic in most prisons) that might fit what apparently will be her budget, in the near future.


Ingredients

1 2.25 oz jar of dried beef
1/2 stick butter
1/4 cup milk
3-6 tbsp flour
4 slices of toast

Rinse the dried beef and pat dry. Melt the butter in a skillet. Cut the beef into quarters and cook in the butter for about 5 minutes. Slowly add the flour, sprinkling it in with the beef while stirring. After it begins to thicken, slowly add the milk. Cook slowly until the mixture is creamy.

Serve over toast.

Labels: beef, Rosie O'Donnell

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Dita's Detox Soup

No, we aren't insinuating any chemical need for Dita Von Teese to detox. We're only thinking of the possibility that Marilyn Manson has left her with some kind of gross residue that may need extra special cleansing to remove.

This recipe should help her out. It is a good soup to keep in mind during cold and flu season, as well, so it will benefit even those of us who have been fortunate enough to not have contact with Manson in any way, shape, or form.




Ingredients

32 oz. natural beef broth (with as little sodium as possible)
2 cups sliced mushrooms
10 cloves of garlic, pressed
2 cups leek, sliced thin
dash of worcestershire sauce
1/4 tsp hot sauce (Tabasco, Sriracha, etc.)
1/4 cup olive oil


In a large soup pot, saute the mushrooms and leek in the olive oil until the mushrooms begin to soften. Add the worcestershire, hot sauce, and garlic and stir in. Pour the beef broth into the pot and stir, bringing to a boil. Turn down heat and simmer for about 20 minutes.

And don't forget your vitamin C.

Labels: Dita Von Teese, soup

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Courtney Love's Pickled Beets

Exclusive information about Courtney Love's ever-more-plastic appearance: it's not caused simply by having way too much plastic surgery. It's enhanced with an exclusively preserved-food diet.

One of her favorites, according to a "friend," is pickled beets. Not only do they help maintain her skin, but they are reported to clean the liver, as well.




Ingredients

10 beets
4 cups white vinegar
2 tbsp sugar

Wash the beets and trim the tops off. Boil until they are easily pierce with a fork.

In a sauce pan, heat the vinegar and sugar until sugar is dissolved. Slice the beets and then top with the vinegar/sugar sauce.


F*&k yeah!

Labels: Courtney Love, Veggie

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George Clooney Limoncello

Our first drink recipe is inspired by George Clooney. One, for the obvious, after the story of his night out drinking Limoncello with Danny Devito. Two, he lives in Italy where Limoncello was born. Three, well you just can't get any more luscious with such a mind-boggling drink than you can with such a mind-boggling hunk of man.

This isn't a quick recipe, but it's authentic and oh so worth the wait, as I'm sure my rendezvous with Clooney will be.


Ingredients

1 liter Everclear or other grain alcohol
20 large lemons
2 2/3 cup sugar
1 liter water


With a potato peeler, scrape the rinds off of the lemons, being careful to avoid the white layer. Put the lemon peels in a large liquid container and stir in the liter of Everclear. Soak the peels in the Everclear for seven days.

After seven days, strain the Everclear into another container. Boil one liter of water and stir in the sugar until dissolved. Allow the sugar-water to cool and then mix in with the alcohol.

Pour into a bottle and place in freezer until chilled.


This one is a sipper, btw.

Labels: Beverages, George Clooney

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